Bondage Discipline Domination Submission, What is it?

BDSM is an erotic power exchange involving one, some, or all concepts of the BDSM acronym, and it may or may not involve nakedness and/or sex.

How BDSM differs from abuse is that it's is performed safely, sanely and with consent. BDSM can be as straightforward as being handcuffed or tied to the bed during sex. It may associate dressing up and/or playing a role, such as a nurse recording an anal temperature of a sick patient or a teacher making a student who refuses to complete their homework, write lines on the blackboard.

Others may enjoy the giving or receiving of discipline, which could be physical such as a little spanking on the ass or tweaking of the nipples to heighten their senses.

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The wider "vanilla" community may perceive the Dominant/submissive roles as one where the Dominant does what they want to the submissive, but generally this couldn't be further from the truth! While it may appear that the Dominant is in charge, it is in fact the sub who maintains the ultimate power – they can stop a scene at any moment if it becomes too much for them, they can dictate the amount of pain they're prepared to take and can state their limitations/desires about how they aspire to be played with. The Dominant has a giving role, the sub a receiving role. If I was to liken a Dominant's scene to a massage, the therapist checks in to see how the pressure is and the sub can say "harder/softer/a little more in the right" and so forth. Obviously, a lot of this is worked out in advance and I will cover "negotiation of a scene" in my next blog.

Don"t get me wrong, most Dominants enjoy it because they are programmed to get a rush from the power exchange, but I have heard many "switches" – who play both roles with their partners – say they get nothing out of the Dominant role as they are simply offering erotic pleasure to their partner. A Dominant's scene can involve a mix of pain and pleasure or it could be much more of a sensational-style of play using blindfolds, feathers, Wartenberg wheels, candle wax and other sensations to enhance the release of dopamine and endorphins into the body of the submissive. Of course, from the Dominant's perspective point of view, it can be an enormous turn-on to observe the reaction of your submissive partner to your touch.

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The sadist/masochist is like the above example but is much more extremist. The sadist enjoys dishing out serious pain and they are ideally suited to work with a masochist who likes to receive it. This is not for the faint-hearted, a masochist might enjoy being whipped or caned until blood streams down their back or they may prefer some serious cock and ball torture (CBT) such as having their balls crushed, kicked or stomped on.

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BDSM takes many forms and I will cover some of the more unusual fetishes that I've come across in a further blog.

BDSM can be a lot of fun, but there is the potential for things to go wrong. Generally, this happens when the "Top" - could be a Rigger (someone who ties rope), Dominant or a Sadist, and the "Bottom" – submissive or masochist types - haven't negotiated their expectations properly prior to the scene. It's important, especially the first few times you play with someone to check-in with them regularly throughout the scene and look after them well afterward (called aftercare). As you play more often with that person you'll be able to understand them better. Read on to my next blog to find out more about pre-scene negotiation.

Questions for Goddess Leia?

Whether you're a bondage beginner or aficionado, ask away on my personal website!

Ensure a healthy BDSM experience!

Before delving into your own desires. There are various things to establish personally and with a partner before participating.

It's imperative that all participants discuss what exactly will happen in your BDSM experience. Everyone should have agreement on the specifics of the scenarios. Their level of comfortability with different concepts within bondage. For example, it's likely that individuals will differ in pain tolerance. This is one example of many, to receive full clarification click on the following!