A popular conversation that seems to be on the rise, is the topic of sexual fluidity. The idea that ‘everyone is at least a little bit gay’.
Funnily enough, I grew up believing that everyone in the world ‘fancies’ people of all genders, but legally, you were only allowed to marry someone of the opposite sex. That’s the world that my seven-year-old-self thought we lived in.
Sexuality wasn’t really a topic that was talked around a lot when I was growing up. It’s not that I grew up in a strict, homophobic household; it’s just that I wasn’t surrounded by anyone who identified as queer, and media wasn’t particularly inclusive back in the late 90s. It wasn’t something that I felt like I needed to ask any questions about, or look further into.
It wasn’t until I was about 11 that I experienced my first dose of homophobia. At 11 I was presenting as female and was aggressively accused of being a ‘lesbian’. I didn’t know what the word lesbian meant at the time, but I could only imagine it was an insult by the way my classmates hurled it at me.
This led to a very uncomfortable sit-down conversation with my parents, resulting in them telling me that some people ‘prefer the company' of the same gender when it comes to marriage and sex. Being blissfully unaware, stuck in my own little world, I didn’t understand why this was such a big deal.
Over the next couple of years, I soon started to understand the prejudice, and strict beliefs surrounding sexuality. Although as a society we’ve progressed to a point of general acceptance, there’s still a long way we need to go in regards to the way we perceive gender roles and sexual orientation.
I’ve always believed that sexuality is a spectrum. Whether this stemmed from my own personal feelings, or an ideology that we could all use some more love in the world, my mindset when it comes to sexuality has most definitely not changed.
Now it’s not that I believe everyone is completely open to the idea of experimenting with their sexuality, it’s just that now that a lot of the negative and aggressive connotations have melted away. People are more open to the discussion of trying new things with new people, not just when it comes to sex, but love too.
For me personally, growing up I was attracted to everyone, regardless of gender.
This never felt wrong or unnatural, but to be fair I didn’t really start seriously dating until my late teen years. When I came out as trans this didn’t change. I continued to date people of all genders and personally identified as bisexual. That was until I started testosterone.
After about one year on testosterone, I noticed that my attraction towards women was increasing rapidly. I wouldn’t say that I’m 100% straight, but for the last three years I’ve been predominantly dating women, and my interest in men has been slowly declining.
When it comes to the topic of how we each identify in regards to sexuality, it’s now a lot more open to discussion than it has ever been before. Questioning and experimentation are part of how we develop as a human being. Sexuality, like anything, can change over time and in different situations.
No one can define your sexual orientation for you, but the concept of sexual fluidity could help explain your experiences.
The idea that everything needs a label to fit, is a frame of mind that a lot of people still get stuck in.
Yes, of course everyone has an underlying label that they generally run back to – heterosexual, bisexual, asexual etc. Yet there’s room for it to expand a little, based on your experiences and current situation.
Like I touched on before, I see sexuality as a spectrum that includes people of all genders. People who are sexually fluid tend to face attractions all along the spectrum throughout their life.
For example, you could spend the first part of your life only dating women, until you had a couple of experiences with people of other genders. You are currently now dating a woman, but couldn’t 100% confirm that’s always going to be the case. This fluidity that’s experienced throughout your life is completely valid and a normal part of your sexual orientation.
Many people believe sexual fluidity to be a ‘phase’, ‘confusion’ or sometimes even an act of treason on a specific group or community. Our attraction towards others is so much more complex than many people can even comprehend, and yet there are people still gate-keeping communities and definitions.
I feel like we sometimes forget that each one of our sexual orientations are completely unique to us. You are the only person on the planet that knows exactly what you’re feeling, and where you think you fit.
You’re experiencing and interpreting the world in a completely individual way, and this can have a massive impact on self-identity, including your understanding of your sexual orientation.
As awareness of your orientation develops and evolves, you may change the way of describing your sexuality, and that’s okay. You’re always free to use whatever label you identify with the best, if any label at all.
- 6 gender neutral sex toys for everyone’s pleasure
- Shopping online for sex toys as a Trans guy
- 23 vibrators for beginners
- 5 of the hottest new anal toys
Content disclaimer: Adulttymegastore does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment for illness. Any information published on this website, either by Adulttoymegastore of its authors, is not intended to be a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a medical professional.